Английский разговорный шутя. 100 анекдотов на все случаи жизни

Книга Виктор Миловидов. Английский разговорный шутя. 100 анекдотов на все случаи жизни скачана с jokibook.ru заходите, у нас всегда много свежих книг!
Английский разговорный шутя. 100 анекдотов на все случаи жизни
Виктор Миловидов
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В.А. Миловидов Английский разговорный шутя 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы Учебное
пособие
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От автора-составителя
Такой вот анекдот:
«…Засорилась канализация. Подходят к канализационному люку двое: старый квалифицированный слесарь и молодой
ученик. Открывают, а колодец – полнехонек.
Старый деловито спускается в колодец, через минуту выныривает.
– Дай-ка ключ на восемнадцать!
Молодой подает ключ, старый ныряет снова. Опять появляется на поверхности:
– Дай-ка на шестнадцать!
Скрывается в колодце.
Через пять минут канализация исправлена. Старый вылезает, отряхивается, снисходительно смотрит на молодого.
– Вот, – говорит, – сынок, учись! А то так и будешь всю жизнь ключи подавать…»
Я рассказал этот анекдот своему давнему знакомому Рону Андерсу, профессору славистики Мичиганского
университета. Тот посмеялся, потом спросил:
– А что в колодце?
Я сказал. Рон спросил:
– И часто в России употребляют это слово?
– На каждом шагу, – ответил я.
Рон с опаской посмотрел себе под ноги (мы шли по Ленинскому), потом на меня.
– Я смотрел твои книжки, – сказал он. – Ты и твои коллеги учите хорошему английскому. Но так говорят, – он
задумался, – на похоронах. А живые люди – те, что на улице, – у них другой язык. Такой, как… в твоем колодце!
– К тому же, – продолжал он, – когда вы учите иностранные языки, у вас такие мрачные физиономии, как будто это
дело государственной важности. А серьезными вещами надо заниматься с улыбкой – тогда и толку будет больше.
Читайте анекдоты, учите их наизусть, рассказывайте друг другу. Там самый что ни на есть нормальный язык. Вот,
смотри…
И, помолчав, Рон начал:
"…A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, «Doc, I'm constipated.»
The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, «Lean over the table.»
The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, CRACK… and then sends
him into the bathroom.
He comes out a few minutes later and says, «Doc, I feel great. What should I do to prevent constipation in the future?»
The doctor says, «Stop wiping with cement bags!»
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Когда я отсмеялся, то спросил:
– Does «wiping» mean «a hygienic procedure enabling one to keep his or her anus clean after»…
Я замялся.
Рон посмотрел снисходительно:
– Да, Россия – культурная страна. А остальные слова ты знаешь?
– А то, – гордо ответил я.
Тогда, остановившись прямо посредине тротуара, Рон сказал:
– Пусть и другие знают. Сделай такую книжку. Пусть там будет все как в обычном учебнике: и упражнения, и
грамматика, и словарь. Но пусть там будет и нормальный, живой английский – тот, которым говорят на улице, дома…
– В курилке, – подсказал я.
– Ну уж нет! – возразил Рон. – У нас не курят.
И пошел к памятнику Ленина.
А я вернулся домой и сел за книжку.
Она перед вами.
В книжке три части. Первые две части – семьдесят английских смешных историй и анекдотов. Почти «Декамерон» или
«Кентерберийские рассказы».
В первой части читаете анекдоты, повторяете грамматику, учите слова и фразеологию, делаете упражнения.
Вторая часть – большой массив текстового материала. Здесь закрепляете то, что усвоили из первой части, и… просто
смеетесь.
Третья часть – готовитесь к тому, чтобы, поехав куда-нибудь в англоязычную страну, стать душой компании.
Посмеялись сами – дайте посмеяться другим. А иметь в запасе десяток-другой русских анекдотов, но в хорошем
английском изложении – это не хуже дипломатического паспорта.
Итак, в третьей части вы самостоятельно излагаете по-английски тридцать русских текстов, пользуясь теми словами и
выражениями, что узнали из первых двух частей.
В конце – как и положено – грамматический комментарий, список использованных выражений и словарь с
транскрипцией.
Пособием можно пользоваться как в одиночку, так и группами, а также под руководством преподавателя – будет еще
смешнее!
Итак, посмеемся? Учиться развлекаясь – не худший способ учиться.
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Part I Reading and grammar
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Section 1 Randy
A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a
special rooster, one that would service all of his many hens, and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, «I
have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!»
So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Randy a little pep talk.
«Randy,» he said, «I'm counting on you to do your stuff.» And without a word Randy strutted into the henhouse.
Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers
flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn't stop there, he went into the barn and mounted
all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pighouse, where he did the same.
The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, «Stop, Randy, you'll kill yourself.» But Randy continued, seeking out
each farm animal in the same manner.
Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes
rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.
The farmer walked up to Randy saying, «Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you,
my little buddy.»
«Shhhhh!» Randy whispered. «The buzzard's getting closer.»
Study the words and expressions given below:
to service обслуживать;
зд. с.-х.
rooster петух
vendor продавец
horny рогатый;
зд. сленг
pep
сленг
stuff
зд.
strut ходить с гордым, напыщенным видом
furious яростный
to mount взбираться
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squawk пронзительно кричать, верещать
feathers перья
frantic неистовый, разъяренный
расе скорость, темп
buzzard сарыч
buddy
сленг
he wanted to have his hens serviced он хотел, чтобы его кур покрыли (have sth done
букв.
to set sb loose освободить кого-л., дать кому-л. волю
to give sb a little talk поговорить с кем-л.
to count on sb рассчитывать на кого-л.
there was much squawking было много кудахтанья
to have one's way with покончить с кем-л.
to finish having закончить делать что-л.
in the same manner тем же способом, в той же манере
to roll back закатить
(глаза)
to get closer приблизиться
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. Why did the farmer go to the market?
2. What sort of a rooster did he want to have?
3. What did the farmer tell Randy before setting him loose?
4. Where did Randy go after he had finished his way with the hens?
5. What was the farmer afraid of?
6. What did the farmer think when he saw Randy lying on the lawn?
7. What do you think Randy would do after he had finished with the buzzard? Don't you think the farmer is in danger?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. A farmer wanted to have his hens _______.
2. He was hoping he could get a _______ rooster.
3. Before setting him _______, he gave him a little talk.
4. He mounted all the horses at the same _______ pace.
5. In the pighouse he did _______.
6. His legs were _______ in the air, his eyes rolled_______.
7. A buzzard was already _______ above Randy.
8. The buzzard's _______ closer.
3. Say if the statement is true or false:
1. A farmer wanted to have his pigs serviced.
2. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see.
3. So the farmer took Randy to the farm.
4. Before setting him loose, he had a long talk with Randy.
5. Having finished his way with each hen, Randy stopped.
6. The farmer, watching all of this, cried out, «O.K., Randy, carry on!»
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7. A buzzard was circling above Randy.
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Он отправился на рынок в поисках петуха.
2. У меня как раз есть для тебя петух.
3. Я рассчитываю на тебя, что ты сделаешь свою работенку.
4. Ни слова не говоря, Рэнди с гордым видом направился в курятник.
5. Было много пронзительный криков и летящих перьев.
6. Рэнди закончил свои дела с каждой курицей.
7. Фермер смотрел на это все с недоверием.
8. Бедняга, ты убил себя. Я тебя предупреждал.
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Revise English Grammar
Любое предложение в английском языке, содержащее существительное, включает в свой состав и артикль –
определенный, неопределенный или «нулевой»:
А farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster…
Проверьте свои навыки использования артикля, при необходимости обращаясь к грамматическому комментарию
(раздел 1).
6. Insert articles where necessary:
1. _______ farmer wanted to have his _______ hens serviced, so he went to _______ market looking for _______ rooster.
2. He wanted to find _______ very good rooster to service all his _______ hens, and when he told this to _______ market
vendor, man answered. «I've just _______ rooster for you.»
3. "Randy here i is greatest rooster you might have ever seen!"
4. So farmer took Randy back to the farm.
7. Render the joke.
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Section 2 The Burglar
A burglar had broken into a house late at night, in total darkness. He was working his way through the house making no noise
when he heard a voice. He stopped and listened for a while and heard nothing. He continued his journey through the rooms
looking for the one with all the «goodies» when he heard a voice again. This time he could faintly understand it. The voice
said, «I see you and Jesus sees you.»
This made the burglar just freeze, and he waited to see what would happen. Nothing, the burglar heard nothing for some time
and resumed his search. Just then he heard the voice again, much louder this time, it said, «I see you and Jesus sees you.» This
was puzzling to the burglar and he was about equally curious and scared, so he began working his way toward the voice. He
entered another room and a voice in the room said, «I see you and Jesus sees you.»
This scared the hell out of the burglar, and he just stood there motionless for about five minutes and heard no further noises.
He then felt around and found a light switch and turned it on. There was a large bird cage with a parrot sitting in it. The parrot
looked at the burglar and said, «I see you and Jesus sees you.» The burglar just grinned and went to work filling his bag and
left the light in the room on. He had his bag about half full when he turned to look at the parrot again, this time he noticed that
a Doberman Pincher was lying under the table that the bird cage was on. The parrot stared at the burglar and then said, «Sick
him, Jesus.»
Study the words and expressions given below:
burglar взломщик
total полный; полностью
"goodies"
сленг
faint слабый
to freeze замораживаться, застывать
to resume возобновлять, приниматься снова
search поиск
to puzzle ставить в тупик
equal равный
curious любопытный
to scare пугать
motionless неподвижный
switch выключатель
parrot попугай
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to grin усмехаться, ухмыляться
for a while в течение некоторого времени
to break into вломиться
to work one's way through (toward) прокладывать путь через (к)
to scare the hell out of sb чертовски испугать
to have sth about half full иметь что-л. наполненным наполовину
to feel around пощупать вокруг
Sick him! Взять! / Фас!
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. What did the burglar hear when he was working his way through the house?
2. What room was he looking for?
3. What did the voice say?
4. What did the burglar feel around for?
5. Who was sitting in the cage?
6. Who was lying under the table that the bird cage was on?
7. What do you think happened to the burglar after the parrot had ordered the Pincher to do his stuff?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. He waited to see what ______ happen.
2. The burglar heard nothing and ______ his search.
3. This was ______ to the burglar and he was about ______ curious and scared.
4. He began ______ his way toward the voice.
5. This scared ______ out of the burglar.
6. He ______ around and found ______ and turned it on.
7. The parrot looked at the burglar and said, «I see you and ______ sees you.»
3. Match the two parts of each sentence:
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Взломщик вломился в дом поздно ночью, в полной темноте.
2. Он остановился и прислушивался некоторое время.
3. Он стал искать комнату со всем добром.
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4. Он едва понял эти слова.
5. Это заставило взломщика просто застыть.
6. Он возобновил свои поиски.
7. Взломщик был в равной степени испуган и заинтригован.
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Revise English Grammar
В предложении
The burglar stood motionless for about five minutes and heard no further noises minutes noises
– s minute noise
Слово
goodies goody
Проверьте свои навыки образования формы множественного числа имен существительных (для справки см.
грамматический комментарий, раздел 2, с. 240).
6. Put the words from the text into Plural form and read them according to the rules:
burglar
hell
journey
bird
house
minute
room
cage
night
noise
time
parrot
way
light
search
bag
voice
switch
puzzle
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table
7. Render the joke.
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Section 3 Dead Dog
A woman goes to the vet. She says, «Doctor, I think there's something wrong with my dog. He hasn't moved all day.»
The vet examines the dog and says, «I'm sorry. I'm afraid your dog is dead.»
«Dead! How can he be dead? He was just fine yesterday. Are you sure he's dead? Isn't there some other test you can run?»
The vet leaves and returns in a moment with a pet carrying case. He opens the case and a large cat emerges. The cat plods over
to the dog and sniffs around its head. It then circles the dog, sniffing and poking around. After a minute or two the cat returns
to its cage.
«Well,» says the vet, «that pretty much proves it. He's dead.»
«I guess you're right,» says the woman. She is coming to grips with what happened. «At least you did your best. How much do
I owe you?»
«$230.»
«$230?! For what? All you did was tell me my dog was dead. What did you do that costs $230?»
«Well it's $30 for the office visit,» says the vet, «and $200 for the cat scan.»
Study the words and expressions given below:
vet
сокр. разг.
to emerge появляться, возникать
to plod тащиться, передвигаться с трудом
to sniff нюхать, обнюхивать
to poke тыкать; совать(ся)
grip захват; способность понять, осознать что-л.
to guess догадываться
to owe быть должным
to scan сканировать, исследовать
to run a test провести анализ
that pretty much proves it
разг.
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to come to grips with sth осознавать, понять
to do one's best сделать все, на что способен
office visit посещение;
зд. (у врача)
cat scan сканирование с применением кота
at least по крайней мере
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. What does the woman think about her dog?
2. What did the vet return with?
3. In what way did the cat perform his test?
4. How much did the doctor think the woman owed him?
5. How much was the cat scan?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. How can he _______ dead?
2. «Isn't there some other test you can _______?»
3. The vet _______ and returns with a case, and a large
cat.
4. The cat _______ around the dog's head.
5. After a minute or _______ the cat returns.
6. I _______ you're right.
7. At _______ I did my best.
8. How much do I _______ you?
9. All you did was perform a cat _______.
3. Say if the statements are false or true:
1. The dog hasn't moved all week.
2. The vet says, «I'm sorry. I'm afraid your dog is ill.»
3. He was just fine yesterday.
4. The vet leaves and never returns.
5. He opens the case and a large cat emerges.
6. After a minute or two the vet returns to its cage.
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7. «How much do I owe you?» – «$530.»
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Доктор, я думаю, с моей собакой что-то неладно.
2. Она целый день не двигалась.
3. Доктор осмотрел собаку.
4. Вы уверены, что она умерла?
5. Нет ли других анализов, которые вы могли бы провести?
6. Он открыл коробку, и появился большой кот.
7. Кот понюхал вокруг собачьей головы.
8. Что вы сделали такого, что стоит 230 долларов?
6. Find English equivalents to the Russian words in the scanword. The hidden words are positioned both horizontally and
vertically, as well as on diagonals:
1. (r…) петух, 2. (f…) перья, 3. (с…) любопытный, 4. (m…) неподвижный, 5. (s…) включать, 6. (f…) замерзать, 7. (s…)
обслуживать, 8. (f…) яростный, 9. (r…) возобновлять, 10. (е…) появляться.
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Revise English Grammar
В предложениях
A woman goes to the vet; Doctor, I think there's something wrong with my dog
в предложении
Не hasn't moved all day —
в предложении
She is coming to grips with what happened —
Проверьте, правильно ли вы используете три основные формы настоящего времени (в случае необходимости
воспользуйтесь грамматическим комментарием; раздел 3).
7. Fill in the blanks with appropriate Present forms of the verbs given in brackets:
1. The woman (to visit)
the vet every other day
2. The dog (not to move)
since yesterday
3. The vet (to examine)
the dog at the moment
4. (to be)
my dog dead
5. What test you (to run)
now
6. "I (to leave)
at the moment
7. "What you (to carry)
in this case
8. I (to open)
this case every morning
9. You (ever to see)
23
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such a cat before
10. No, I (never to see)
such a cat in all my life
11. What he (to sniff)
around at present
12. Why he (to circle)
my dog
13. How much I (to owe)
you
24
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Revise English Grammar
Женщина, пришедшая к ветеринару, задает множество вопросов, которые подразделяются на несколько видов:
Основные виды вопросительных предложений – общий и специальный вопросы.
Проверьте навыки постановки данных вопросов, при необходимости обращаясь к грамматическому комментарию;
раздел 3.
8. Make general questions to the sentences given below:
1. A woman goes to the vet.
2. There's something wrong with my dog.
3. He hasn't moved all day.
4. I'm afraid your dog is dead.
5. The vet leaves and returns in a moment.
6. He opens the case.
7. A large cat is emerging.
8. The cat is plodding over to the dog.
9. Make as many special questions as you can to the sentences given below:
1. The dog hasn't moved all day.
2. The vet leaves and returns in a moment.
3. After a minute or two the cat returns to its cage.
10. Render the joke.
25
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Section 4 The Parrot And The Magician
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician
allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did
every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show.
«Look, it's not the same hat.»
«Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table.»
«Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?»
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with
the parrot, of course.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and another and another.
After a week the parrot said. «OK, I give up. Where's the boat?»
Study the words and expressions given below:
magician фокусник
cruise круиз
to stare уставиться
to allow oneself позволять себе
over and over again снова и снова
to start shouting начинать кричать
the Ace of Spades
карт.
to utter a word произносить слово
to give up сдаваться
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. What sort of a ship the magician was working on?
2. What did the magician allow himself to do each week?
3. What did the captain's parrot begin to understand?
4. What did he shout in the middle of the show?
5. Why couldn't the magician do anything?
6. Where did the magician find himself after the ship had sunk?
7. Why did the parrot give up?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. The ______ would be different each week.
2. The magician allowed himself to do ______ tricks.
3. Once the parrot understood he started ______.
4. Look, he is ______ the flowers.
5. The magician was ______ but couldn't do anything.
6. One day the ship had an ______ and sank.
7. They ______ at each other with hate.
3. Match the two parts of each sentence:
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Там была только одна проблема.
2. Попугай начал понимать, как фокусник делает свои фокусы.
3. Однажды поняв, он принялся кричать в середине представления.
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4. Смотрите, он прячет цветы в шляпе.
5. Фокусник был в бешенстве, но он не мог ничего поделать.
6. В конце концов, это был попугай капитана.
7. Так продолжалось день, потом другой и еще один.
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Revise English Grammar
В предложениях
A magician was working on a cruise ship The magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again
В вопросе
Where did the magician find himself after the ship had sunk?
Проверьте свои знания этих временных форм (в случае необходимости используйте грамматический комментарий;
раздел 4).
6. Fill in the blanks with appropriate forms of the verbs:
1. When the magician worked on a cruise ship he (to allow) _______ himself to do one and the same trick over and over
again.
2. The magician (to hide) _______ the flowers under the table while he was doing his tricks.
3. There (to be) _______ only one problem yesterday.
4. There (to be) _______ three problems yesterday.
5. As soon as the captain (to see) _______ the show he started shouting at the magician.
6. He (to shout) _______ all day long.
7. After the ship (to sink) _______ the magician found himself on a log of wood.
8. When a week (to pass) _______, the parrot (to say) _______ that he was giving up.
7. Make as many special questions to the sentences given as possible:
1. A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.
2. The captain's parrot began to understand how the magician did every trick.
3. He started shouting in the middle of the show.
4. He is hiding the flowers under the table.
5. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot.
8. Render the joke.
29
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Section 5 Parrots
One lady approaches a priest and tells him, «Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only
know how to say one thing.»
«What do they say?» the priest asked.
"They only know how to say 'Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?' "
«That's terrible!» the priest exclaimed. «But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your parrots over to my house and I will
put them with my two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Then my parrots will teach your
parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship.»
«Oh, thank you, Father!» said the lady.
So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads
and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots, and the female parrots say,
«Hi, we are prostitutes! Do you want to have some fun?» One male parrot looks over to the other and says, «Put the Bible
away! Our prayers have been answered!»
Study the words and expressions given below:
to approach приближаться
female особь женского пола
male особь мужского пола
Hi! Привет!
prostitute проститутка
to exclaim восклицать
solution решение
to pray молить(ся)
to worship боготворить
the Bible Библия
rosary beads четки
to have some fun развлекаться
to stop saying прекратить говорить
our prayers have been answered наши молитвы были услышаны
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. How many things do the lady's parrots know how to say?
2. What do they call themselves?
3. Who offered help to the lady?
4. What has the priest taught his parrots to do?
5. What does the priest think his parrots will teach the lady's ones to do?
6. What do the male parrots hold?
7. What have the male parrots been actually begging the Lord for?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. That's _______!
2. I have a _______ to your problem.
3. _______ your parrots over to my house.
4. I have _______ my parrots to pray and read the Bible.
5. The lady _______ her female parrots to the priest's house.
6. The male parrots are _______ rosary beads.
7. «Do you want _______ some fun?»
8. One male parrot looks _______ to the other and says, «Put the Bible away».
3. Say if the statement is true or false:
1. I have twenty-three talking female parrots.
2. "They only know how to say 'Hi, we are insurance agents. Do you want to have some fun?' "
3. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase.
4. Your female parrots will learn to play.
5. The lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house.
6. The priest's two male parrots are holding a party in their cage.
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7. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots.
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Одна дама подходит к священнику и говорит ему: «Отец, у меня проблема».
2. Они только и знают, что говорить «Привет!»
3. «Это ужасно!» – воскликнул священник.
4. Мои попугаи отучат ваших говорить эти ужасные вещи.
5. Отложи Библию.
6. Наша молитва была услышана.
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Revise English Grammar
В предложении
I will put them with my two male talking parrots, and my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that phrase
Проверьте свои знания этой формы (при необходимости воспользуйтесь грамматическим комментарием; раздел 5).
6. Fill in the blanks with appropriate Future forms of the verbs given in brackets, where necessary:
1. The lady (to visit) _______ the priest next Tuesday.
2. These parrots never (to say) _______ such things again.
3. The priest's two male talking parrots (to pray and read the Bible) _______ from six till seven tomorrow.
4. My parrots (to teach) _______ your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase.
5. They (to teach) _______ them to pray and worship by next Sunday.
6. «I will solve your problem,» the priest said, «if you (to bring) _______ your parrots over to my house.»
7. Tell me, when you (to bring) _______ your parrots.
7. Make as many special questions to the sentences given as possible:
1. I will buy these two talking female parrots.
2. But I will have a solution to your problem.
3. I will put them with my two male talking parrots.
4. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase.
5. Your female parrots will learn to pray and worship.
8. Insert articles where necessary:
1. One lady approaches _______ priest.
2. Father, I have _______ problem.
3. I have these two _______ talking female parrots.
4. "What do they say? _______ priest asked.
5. Do you want to have some _______ fun?
6. I have _______ solution to your problem.
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7. Thank you, _______ Father!
8. The priest's two male _______ parrots are holding rosary beads.
9. Render the joke.
34
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Section 6 Two bulls
There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam. It was that time of year to satisfy the local
female population, and young George was pretty excited.
«Sam, Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?» asked George.
«George, relax. Here is how it works. We'll wait until they're lined up at the feed trough so we can have our way with the
ladies in a nice orderly fashion,» said Sam.
«Okay, I can do that,» George answered.
Well, feeding time came and all the heifers were lined up just like Sam said, and George was all excited to go down there, but
Sam had a few more instructions.
«Now, George, here is how this is gonna work. I'll start at one end, and you can start at the other. We'll meet in the middle,»
said Sam.
«OK, OK, let's go!» said George.
«Hang on, George! One more important thing to remember. These gals will let us have our way but you have to show some
respect and be polite. OK?» said Sam.
«Sure,» says George.
Well, they go on down to the heifers all lined up. George starts at one end and Sam at the other. George is pretty excited, but
he remembers Sam's instructions about being polite, so as he is going along he makes sure to say, «Thank you ma'am, thank
you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, thank you ma'am, sorry Sam, thank you ma'am…»
Study the words and expressions given below:
bull бык
to satisfy удовлетворять
local местный
population население
heifer телка
to relax расслабляться
to line up выстраивать(ся)
feed trough кормушка
gal
сленг
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ma'am
разг.
pretty excited
разг.
here is how it works вот как это работает
in a nice orderly fashion чинно; стройными рядами
feeding time время кормления
Hang on!
разг.
a few more еще немного
is gonna
разг., сленг
this is gonna work это будет работать
to show respect показать (выказать) уважение
Sure! Точно! / Конечно!
to make sure удостовериться, делать наверняка
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. How many bulls were there?
2. What were their names?
3. Why was George pretty excited?
4. Where did he want to go and why?
5. Why did Sam suggest that they wait until the heifers were lined up at the feed trough?
6. Where did Sam and George plan to meet?
7. Did they meet?
8. Wasn't Sam a real gentleman?
9. Wasn't George a gentleman, either?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. There were two bulls, a young _______ named George and an old _______ named Sam.
2. It was that time of year _______ the local female population.
3. Young George was _______ excited.
4. George, _______.
5. We'll wait _______ they're lined up at the feed trough.
6. Feeding time came and all the heifers were _______ up.
7. Now, George, here is how this is _______ work.
8. One more important thing _______.
9. He remembers Sam's instructions about _______ polite.
3. Match the two parts of each sentence:
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
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5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Молодой Джордж был здорово возбужден.
2. Пришло время кормления.
3. У Сэма было еще несколько советов.
4. Вот как это будет работать.
5. Встретимся в середине.
6. Погоди, Джордж. Стоит запомнить еще одну важную вещь.
7. Окажи им уважение и будь вежлив.
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Revise English Grammar
В предложениях
There were two bulls… It was that time of year… there it, to be.
Проверьте, правильно ли вы используете эти конструкции в утвердительных и отрицательных предложениях (при
необходимости см. грамматический комментарий; раздел 6).
6. Fill in the blanks:
1. How many bulls (was, were) _______ there on the farm?
2. (It, There) _______ was that time of year when bulls were pretty excited.
3. (It, There) _______ was the heifers that were lined up at the feed trough.
4. There (was, were) _______ a bull and some heifers there.
5. (There, It) _______ is one more important thing to remember.
6. (There, It) _______ was spring and the bulls were pretty excited.
7. (There, It) _______ was George who well remembered Sam's instructions about being polite.
7. Put the verbs in brackets into appropriate forms:
1. Two bulls (to want) _______ to satisfy all the local female population last year.
2. Sam (to go) _______ down to those heifers over there yesterday.
3. We (to wait) _______ until they're lined up at the feed trough.
4. We (to have) _______ our way with the ladies in a nice orderly fashion in five minutes.
5. Feeding time (just to come) _______. Line up!
6. Sam (to start) _______ at one end, and George started at the other.
7. We (to meet) _______ very soon. You'll have to wait a little.
8. Are you (to show) _______ respect to these ladies?
8. Find English equivalents to the Russian words in the scanword:
1. (p…) население, 2. (t…) кормушка, 3. (s…) удовлетворять, 4. (r…) расслабляться, 5. (f…) кормление, 6. (r..)
уважение, 7. (f…) особь женского пола, 8. (е…) восклицать, 9. (а…) позволять, 10. (р…) молиться.
39
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9. Render the joke.
40
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Section 7 Pig farm
A farmer got a good deal on a dozen pigs at an auction. When he got them home he realized they were all females so he talked
to his neighbor to see if he could bring his girl pigs over to meet with his boy pigs so this man could get some babies. The
neighbor agreed and so the farmer loaded the girl pigs in his truck to visit the neighbor's pigs.
That night he went back to pick them up and he asked his neighbor, «How will I know if they are going to have little pigs?»
The neighbor said that they would start acting real different and that he could just tell. So next morning he went and checked
his pigs and they were just acting normal so he took them back to the neighbor's again. Next morning same thing no change so
he took them back.
Next morning he was sitting at the table and he said to his wife, «Honey, look out the window and see if the pigs are acting
different.» She looked out the window and said, «Well, I don't know how different you mean but eleven of them are in the back
of the truck and one is behind the wheel honking the horn!!!»
Study the words and expressions given below:
auction аукцион
to realize осознавать
to load грузить
truck грузовик
to check проверять
honey мед;
зд.
wheel колесо;
зд.
to honk сигналить, гудеть
horn рог;
зд.
to get a good deal on sth
разг.
to get sth home
разг.
to start acting real different
41
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разг.
next morning
разг.
to be just acting normal
разг.
same thing no change
разг.
neighbor's соседский
(дом, ферма)
to look out the window
разг
back of the truck
зд.
42
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. How many pigs did the farmer get at the auction?
2. What did he realize when he got home?
3. What did he speak with his neighbor about?
4. How did he get the pigs to the neighbor's farm?
5. How could the farmer get to know if his girl pigs were going to have babies?
6. How were the pigs acting after the farmer had brought them from his neighbor's for the first time?
7. How were they acting when the farmer's wife saw them out of the window?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. A farmer got a good _______ on a dozen pigs.
2. When he got them home he _______ they were all females.
3. He wanted to bring his girl pigs _______ to the neighbor's boy pigs _______ they could get some baby pigs.
4. The farmer _______ the girl pigs in his truck.
5. That night he went back _______ them up.
6. They would start acting real_______.
7. Next morning he went and _______ his pigs.
3. Say if the statements are true or false:
1. A farmer got a good deal on a hundred dozen pigs at an auction.
2. When he got them home he realized they were all females.
3. The neighbor agreed and so the farmer loaded the boy pigs in his truck.
4. The neighbor said that they wouldn't act real different.
5. Next morning he was sitting at the table and he asked his wife if the pigs were acting different.
6. One of them is in the back of the truck and eleven are behind the wheel honking the horn.
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4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Он поговорил со своим соседом, чтобы удостовериться, не может ли он привезти к нему своих поросят.
2. Сосед согласился, и фермер погрузил своих поросят на грузовик.
3. Тем же вечером он отправился назад, чтобы забрать их.
4. Как я узнаю, не собираются ли они иметь маленьких поросят?
5. Дорогая, выгляни в окно и посмотри, не ведут ли себя поросята необычно.
6. Одиннадцать из них – в кузове грузовика, а одна – за баранкой и сигналит.
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Revise English Grammar
В предложениях
The neighbor said that they would start acting real different… So next morning they were just acting normal…
Нормативное согласование глагола и определяющих его частей речи предполагает следующую форму:
The neighbor said that they would really start acting differently…
So next morning they were just acting normally…,
Вместе с тем и в нормативном употреблении есть исключения.
Проверьте, насколько хорошо вы знакомы с правилом согласования глагола и наречия/прилагательного (в случае
необходимости см. грамматический комментарий; раздел 7).
6. Fill in the blanks choosing the appropriate variant of the words in brackets:
1. What you say about your boy pigs sounds really (good, well) _______.
2. The neighbor (happy, happily) _______ agreed and
so the farmer (quick, quickly) _______ loaded his pigs in the truck.
3. Honey, look out the window and see if the pigs are acting (different, differently) _______.
4. Eleven of them are in the back of the truck and one is behind the wheel honking the horn rather (loud, loudly) _______.
5. The farmer could (hard, hardly) _______ get his girl pigs home – so (happy, happily) _______ they were.
7. Make as many special questions as possible:
1. A farmer got a good deal on a dozen pigs at an auction.
2. The farmer loaded the girl pigs in his truck to visit the neighbor's pigs.
3. The neighbor said that they would start acting real different.
4. Next morning he went and checked his pigs.
5. Next morning he was sitting at the table.
8. Render the joke.
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Section 8 Darling, i have a confession
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to
himself, «Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep
it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?»
Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, «Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath?
I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to
find out. Now how do I tell him gently?»
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed,
climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, «Darling, I've a confession to
make.»
And she says, «So have I, love.»
He cries out, «Don't tell me you've eaten my socks!»
Study the words and expressions given below:
confession признание
couple пара
honeymoon медовый месяц
edge край
bathtub ванна
smelly пахучий, вонючий
to stink вонять
to manage удаваться, преуспевать в чем-л.
to date
зд.
meanwhile тем временем
breath дыхание
to court ухаживать
gently мягко
to climb забираться
hers ее
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to keep sth from sb скрывать что-л. от кого-л.
to be bound быть вынужденным
to find out обнаруживать
sooner or later рано или поздно
to be lucky быть удачливым
as soon as как только, так…
to pluck up enough courage собраться с духом
So have I. И я тоже.
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. Where was the husband sitting?
2. What did he worry about?
3. Guess how he had managed to keep his socks as well as his feet away from his would-be wife while they were dating?
4. Where was the wife sitting?
5. How long would it take the man to learn everything about his wife's breath, she thought?
6. Why did the man think that his wife had eaten his socks?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. A young couple _______ on their honeymoon.
2. How can I tell my wife that my socks _______ stink?
3. I've _______ to keep it from her while we were dating.
4. I've been very _______ to keep it from him.
5. He's _______ to find out.
6. How do I tell him _______?
7. Darling, I've a _______ to make.
8. So have I, _______.
3. Match the two parts of each sentence:
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Рано или поздно она вынуждена будет обнаружить это.
2. Тем временем жена сидела в постели.
3. Мне удавалось делать это, пока мы встречались.
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4. Как мне сказать ему об этом мягко?
5. Муж наконец собирается с духом.
6. Он забирается к своей жене, обвивает ее шею своей рукой и говорит.
7. Я тоже, любовь моя.
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Revise English Grammar
В предложении
A young couple were on their honeymoon…
Проверьте свои знания согласования подлежащего и сказуемого в английском предложении. В случае необходимости
используйте грамматический комментарий (раздел 8).
6. Choose the appropriate form of the verb:
1. The husband, as well as his wife, (was, were) _______ in the hotel.
2. It (was, were) _______ the young couple who rented the apartment.
3. Both the husband and the wife (was, were) _______ bound to find it out.
4. Everyone in the house (know, knows) _______ that they have left.
5. Both (was, were) _______ afraid to confess their secrets to each other.
6. A pair of his socks (was, were) _______ lying on the table.
7. Neither my wife nor her relatives (know, knows) _______ that my feet stink.
8. The number of married couples in our hotel (is, are) _______ growing.
9. Honeymoon Jokes (is, are) _______ the most funny section of the book.
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Revise English Grammar
В предложении
And she says, «So have I, love»…
Проверьте свои знания данных форм, при необходимости обращаясь к грамматическому комментарию (раздел 9).
7. Fill in the blanks with appropriate forms. Follow the directions given:
Model:
1. We were on our honeymoon. (They – so): So were they.
2. The husband wasn't sitting in the bathroom. (I – neither): Neither was I.
1. I've got really smelly feet. (they – too)
2. My socks absolutely stink. (mine – also)
3. I didn't manage to keep it from her. (we – either)
4. We weren't dating. (they – neither)
5. I've been very lucky to keep it from him. (she – so)
6. The husband has finally plucked up enough courage. (I – so)
7. He hadn't walked into the bedroom. (she – either)
8. He won't walk over to the bed. (I – neither)
9. He didn't put his arm around her neck. (I – either)
10. He moves his face very close to hers. (I – too)
11. I've a confession to make. (she – so)
8. Insert articles where necessary:
1. The husband was sitting in _______ bathroom on edge of the bathtub.
2. I've got really smell _______ feet and my socks absolutely stink.
3. I've managed to keep it from _______ her while we were dating.
4. The wife was sitting in _______ bed.
5. How do I tell my _______ husband that I've got really badbreath?
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6. The husband plucks up enoug _______ hcourage.
7. He walks into _______ bedroom.
8. He puts his arm around her _______ neck.
9. Render the joke.
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Section 9 Wedding night practical jokes
A couple was planning on getting married. Seeing how they didn't have much money to go on a honeymoon, they decided to
just go back to their new apartment after the wedding.
The groom had three close friends, that were prone to committing practical jokes. One being a carpenter, the other an ordinary
guy, and the third a dentist.
They all decided to pull practical jokes on their newly married friends. The carpenter decided he would cut the slats in the bed
so that when they climbed into bed, the bed would collapse. The ordinary guy decided to short-sheet the bed, so that when they
got into it their feet wouldn't reach the bottom. The dentist chuckled and wouldn't tell anyone what he planned to do.
A week later the three friends all received letters in the mail.
«Dear friends, we didn't mind the fact that when we got into bed, the bed collapsed, or the guy that short-sheeted it, but I'm
gonna kill the bastard that put the novacaine in the vaseline!»
Study the words and expressions given below:
groom жених
to commit совершать, устраивать
carpenter плотник
ordinary обычный
guy парень
dentist дантист
slat перекладина
to collapse падать, рушиться
bottom низ
to chuckle хихикать
to mind возражать, иметь что-либо против
bastard ублюдок
novacaine новокаин
vaseline вазелин
to plan on doing sth планировать сделать что-л.
to be prone to doing sth иметь склонность к чему-л.
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close friend близкий друг
practical joke розыгрыш
to pull a joke on sb подшутить над кем-л.
newly married молодожены
to short-sheet подвернуть простыню под матрац
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. Why did the couple decide to just go back to their new apartment after the wedding?
2. What were the groom's close friends prone to committing?
3. What were they?
4. How did the carpenter decide to make fun of the newly married couple?
5. What did the ordinary guy decide to do?
6. Why didn't the dentist say what he was going to do?
7. How long did it take the newly married couple to write letters to their friends?
8. What was the young husband going to do with the dentist?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. A couple was planning on _______ married.
2. They decided to _______ go back to their new apartment.
3. The groom had three _______ friends.
4. They were prone to _______ practical jokes.
5. They decided to _______ a practical joke on their friends.
6. The carpenter decided he _______ cut the slats.
7. The bed would _______.
8. Their feet didn't _______ the bottom.
3. Say if the sentences are true of false:
1. They decided to just go to Italy after the wedding.
2. The groom had three close friends.
3. The carpenter decided he would put the novacaine in the vaseline.
4. The ordinary guy decided to short-sheet the bed.
5. The dentist chuckled and told he would pull the bride's teeth out.
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6. A week later the three friends all received telegrams.
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Парочка собиралась пожениться.
2. У жениха было трое близких друзей.
3. Они имели склонность к розыгрышам.
4. Плотник решил, что он подрубит перекладины на постели.
5. Дантист усмехнулся и никому не захотел сказать, что он собирается сделать.
6. Я убью ублюдка!
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Revise English grammar
В предложении
The carpenter decided he would cut the slats… would.
Этот же глагол – в другом значении – используется в предложении
The dentist chuckled and wouldn't tell anyone what he planned to do…
Проверьте, насколько хорошо вы владеете этой формой глагола, при необходимости обращаясь к грамматическому
комментарию (разделы 10, 11).
6. Fill in the blanks with appropriate forms of the verbs:
1. As the young couple didn't have much money to go on a honeymoon, they decided that they (to go back) _______ to their
new apartment after the wedding.
2. The groom's close friends thought that they (to act) _______ wisely if they (to commit) _______ some practical jokes on
their newly married friends.
3. The carpenter decided he (to cut) _______ the slats.
4. They thought that when the couple (to climb) _______ into bed, the bed (to collapse) _______.
5. The ordinary guy decided to short-sheet the bed, so that their feet (not to reach) _______ the bottom.
6. The dentist chuckled and (not to tell) _______ anyone what he planned to do.
7.
Find English equivalents to the Russian words in the scanword:
1. (с…) совершать, 2. (с…) падать, 3. (m…) женатый, 4. (с…) признание, 5. (с…) пара, 6. (b…) дыхание, 7. (с…)
мужество, 8. (1…) удачливый, 9. (r…) осознавать, 10. (1…) грузить.
8. Render the joke.
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Section 10 Bride and groom
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom
looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious
young woman. But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto
the bannister for dear life.
She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, «Whatever
happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!»
The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, «Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years
and I thought he meant his money!!»
Study the words and expressions given below:
bride невеста
feeble слабый, хилый
healthy здоровый
vivacious живой, веселый
bannister перила
concern озабоченность, беспокойство
whatever что бы то ни было, что же
to wrestle бороться, заниматься борьбой
alligator аллигатор
to groan стонать
save up копить
to mean иметь в виду
to be all abuzz
разг.
lo and behold
уст.
step by step шаг за шагом, ступенька за ступенькой
to hang onto (on to) sth висеть, виснуть на чем-л.
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for dear life (борясь) за жизнь из последних сил
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. Why was the hotel all abuzz?
2. How old were the groom and the bride?
3. What did the groom look like?
4. In what manner did the bride come down the next morning?
5. What did the clerk at the counter ask the bride?
6. How long had the groom been saving up?
7. What had he been saving up?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. The hotel was all abuzz _______ the wedding.
2. The groom looked _______ feeble.
3. The _______ was that the wedding night might kill him.
4. _______ next morning, the bride came down the main staircase.
5. She _______ managed to get to the counter.
6. The clerk looked _______ concerned.
7. You _______ like you've been wrestling an alligator.
3. Match the two parts of the sentences:
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Жених выглядел весьма хилым.
2. Брачная ночь могла убить его.
3. Но, о чудо! на следующее утро невеста медленно спустилась вниз, держась за перила.
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4. Клерк выглядел действительно озабоченным.
5. Вы выглядите так, словно боролись с аллигатором.
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Revise English Grammar
В предложениях
You look like you've been wrestling an alligator He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years…
Проверьте, насколько хорошо вы владеете этой формой, при необходимости обратившись к грамматическому
комментарию (раздел 12).
6. Fill in the blanks with appropriate forms of the verbs:
1. A small tourist hotel (to wait) _______ for the newly married since early in the morning.
2. They (to come) _______ to the conclusion about their age only after a long discussion.
3. The bride (to prepare) _______ for the wedding night for about two hours, and when she was ready, the groom (already to
fall) _______ asleep.
4. She (to wrestle) _______ with this alligator since midnight.
5. I've (to save up) _______ money in the bank for twenty five years, and I (already to save up) _______ about ten bucks.
7. Render the joke.
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Section 11 After the wedding night
A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all
night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He
asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his
body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well.
Her eyes went up and down and at about midway they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, «What's THAT?», pointing to
a small part of his anatomy. He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, «Well, that's what we had so much fun with
last night.»
And she, in amazement, asked, «Is that all we have left?»
Study the words and expressions given below:
to celebrate праздновать
newlyweds молодожены
to expose выставлять, показывать
midway на полпути
shy застенчивый
anatomy анатомия;
зд.
amazement изумление
all night long всю ночь
to ask sb to please do sth
разг.
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. How did the young couple celebrate their first night together?
2. What couldn't the groom find when he emerged from the shower?
3. What did he ask his bride for?
4. Who and what did she see when she opened the door of the bathroom?
5. Do you think she could control the movement of her eyes?
6. Judging by the way the bride reacted to her husband's appearance in the bath, could you guess where she had been brought
up?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. They _______ their first night together.
2. What do _______ all night long?
3. The groom goes into the bathroom but finds _______ there.
4. He asks the bride to _______ a towel.
5. He is _______ his body for the first time.
6. Her eyes went up and down and _______ midway they stopped.
7. She asked _______, «What's THAT?»
3. Say if the statements are true or false:
1. A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together.
2. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no bath there.
3. He asks the bride to please bring a towel from the bedroom.
4. He opened the door, exposing his body for the first time.
5. Her eyes went down, and down, and down.
6. Well, that's what we had so little fun with last night.
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4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Они занимались этим всю ночь напролет, снова и снова.
2. Он появился из душа, но не нашел полотенца.
3. Она отлично увидела его целиком.
4. Ее глаза скользнули вверх и вниз, и примерно на полпути они остановились.
5. Она спросила застенчиво.
6. Это все, что у нас осталось?
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Revise English Grammar
В предложениях
Не said, «Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night» And she asked, «Is that all we have left?»
Проверьте свои навыки преобразования прямой речи в косвенную, при необходимости обратитесь к грамматическому
приложению (раздел 13).
6. Transform the Direct Speech into Indirect:
1. I asked her, «When were you married?»
2. He said, «We celebrated our first night together.»
3. «They are doing what newlyweds always do,» he whispered.
4. «I will go into the bathroom,» said the groom.
5. «Please, bring a towel from the bedroom,» he asked her.
6. «Where are you?» she asked.
7. «Why are you staring at me in such a way?» he asked.
8. «Well, that is what we had so much fun with last night,» he answered.
9. And she asked in despair, «Is that all we have left?»
7. Put the verbs into proper forms:
1. When the young couple were getting married, they (to decide) _______ they (to celebrate) _______ their first night
together.
2. He said that he (to go) _______ to the bathroom in the morning.
3. Morning came and the groom (to go) _______ into the bathroom but (to find) _______ no towel there.
4. When she got to the bathroom door, he (already to open) _______ it from inside.
5. She said that was all that they (to leave) _______.
8. Render the joke.
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Section 12 The groom's childhood diseases
Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time.
He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored. «What happened to your feet?» his wife asked.
«I had a childhood disease called tolio.»
«Don't you mean polio?»
«No, tolio, it only affects the toes.»
He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees. «What happened to your knees?» she asked.
«Well, I also had kneesles.»
«Don't you mean measles?»
«No, kneesles, it only affects the knees.»
When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said, «Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!»
Study the words and expressions given below:
toe палец ноги
to twist скручивать
to discolor обесцвечивать
disease болезнь
polio
разг.
to affect влиять t
o remove
зд.
to reveal открывать
awful ужасный
knee колено
measles корь
shorts трусы, шорты
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to gasp задыхаться, открывать рот от изумления
smallpox оспа
smallcox результат игры слов, наложения семантики слова smallpox на просматривающееся через контекст слово cock,
которое в силу этого приобретает оттенки значения «маленький»
to get undressed раздеться
awful looking
разг.
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. What were the newlyweds doing for the first time?
2. What did the groom's toes look like?
3. How did he explain the condition of his feet?
4. What was wrong with his knees and how did he account for this fact?
5. When he removed his shorts, what disease did his wife suspect he might have had?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. Two newlyweds _______ their honeymoon.
2. His toes were _______ twisted and discolored.
3. What _______ to your feet?
4. I had a _______ disease called tolio.
5. It only _______ the toes.
6. He _______ his pants and _______ a pair of knees.
3. Match the two parts of the sentences:
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Он снял ботинки и носки.
2. Что случилось с пальцами твоих ног?
3. У меня была детская болезнь – корь.
4. Он обнажил ужасно выглядящую пару коленок.
5. Она оказывает воздействие только на колени.
6. Его жена открыла рот от удивления и сказала: «Не говори мне, что у тебя еще была и оспа».
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Revise English Grammar
В предложении
His toes were all twisted and discolored…
Проверьте свое знание данной формы, при необходимости справляясь в грамматическом комментарии (раздел 14).
6. Put the verbs in brackets into Passive:
1. Two newlyweds (to invite) _______ to their friend's house to spend the honeymoon there last year.
2. Just you wait! The shoes (to take off) _______ in a moment.
3. The socks (to dry) _______ at present.
4. My toes (to twist) _______ because of the disease I had in childhood.
5. At last the pants (to remove) _______.
6. His knees definitely (to affect) _______ by polio.
7. Transform the Direct Speech into Indirect:
1. His wife asked, «What happened to your feet?»
2. He said to her, «I had a childhood disease called tolio.»
3. She said, «Do you mean polio?»
4. She asked, «What happened to your knees?»
5. He said, «I also had kneesles.»
6. She said, «Are you having anything now?»
7. He said, «It only affects the knees.»
8. She asked, «Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!»
8. Find English equivalents to the Russian words in the scanword:
1. (t…) палец ноги, 2. (d…) болезнь, 3. (r…) снимать, удалять, 4. (r…) открывать, 5. (а…) изумление, 6. (h…) здоровый,
7. (w…) бороться, 8. (g…) стонать, 9. (b…) невеста, 10. (а…) ужасный.
9. Render the joke.
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Section 13 A couple at the zoo
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are visiting the local zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink
spring dress, sleeveless, with straps.
As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla begins to go ape. He jumps up on the
bars, holding on with one hand (and two feet), grunts, and pounds his chest with his free hand. The gorilla is obviously excited
at seeing the pretty lady in the pink dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow by puckering her lips, wiggling her
bottom… play along.
She does, and Mr Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that
she let one of her straps fall.
She does, and Mr Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down! The husband then suggests that she try lifting her dress up her
thighs. This drives the poor gorilla absolutely crazy.
Then quickly the husband grabs his wife, rips open the door to the cage, flings her in with the gorilla and says, «Now tell HIM
you have a headache.»
Study the words and expressions given below:
to wear носить
(одежду)
cute милый, славный
loose свободный
to fit подходить по размеру
(об одежде)
loose-fitting свободного покроя
pink розовый
sleeveless без рукавов
strap тесьма, лямка
аре обезьяна
exhibit выставка, экспозиция
аре exhibit обезьянник
gorilla горилла
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bars решетка
to grunt ворчать, сердиться
to pound колотить
chest грудь; грудная клетка
obviously очевидно
to notice замечать
excitement возбуждение
to suggest предлагать
to tease дразнить
poor бедный
fellow парень
to pucker морщить (губы), складывать (губы) в гримаску
to lift поднимать
thigh бедро
to drive двигать, понуждать
crazy сумасшедший, чокнутый
to grab хватать, захватывать
to rip рвать; раскрывать
to fling толкать, бросать
to wiggle one's bottom крутить задом
to go ape обезьянничать
to play along играть до конца
to wake the dead разбудить мертвого
to tear the bars down сносить решетку
to drive sb crazy сводить кого-л. с ума
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. What sort of a dress was the wife wearing?
2. How did the gorilla start to behave when the couple was passing its cage?
3. What was the ape excited by?
4. What did the husband suggest that his wife do when he noticed the gorilla's excitement?
5. What did the husband suggest she do with the straps of her dress?
6. What drove the poor gorilla absolutely crazy?
7. Do you think the wife had really had many headaches?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. A man and his wife are visiting the _______ zoo.
2. She's wearing a cute, _______ dress.
3. They walk through the _______ exhibit.
4. The gorilla is _______ excited at seeing the lady.
5. The man suggests that his wife _______ the poor fellow.
6. Then the husband suggests that she _______ one of her straps fall.
7. This drives the gorilla absolutely _______.
3. Say if the statements are true or false:
1. As they pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla falls asleep.
2. The gorilla is obviously excited at seeing the pretty lady in the pink dress.
3. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.
4. Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would kill the alive.
5. This drives the poor gorilla away.
6. The husband grabs the gorilla, rips open the door to the cage, and flings her in with the wife.
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4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. На ней красивое, свободного покроя платье без рукавов, на лямках.
2. Горилла начинает обезьянничать.
3. Горилла явно возбуждена при виде дамы в розовом платье.
4. Муж предлагает жене подразнить бедного парня.
5. Он производит шум, который разбудил бы и мертвого.
6. Горилла готова снести решетки.
7. Он быстро хватает ее и толкает в клетку.
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Revise English Grammar
В сложных предложениях с союзом
that (The husband suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow…, Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps
fall… The husband then suggests that she try lifting her dress up her thighs…)
Проверьте, насколько хорошо вы знаете правило использования этих глаголов. В случае необходимости обратитесь к
грамматическому комментарию (раздел 15).
6. Fill in the blanks with appropriate forms of the verbs:
1. The man insisted that his wife (to wear) _______ a cute, loose-fitting dress.
2. It is imperative that we (to walk) _______ through the ape exhibit.
3. The husband proposed that his wife (to tease) _______ the poor fellow.
4. Then the husband urged her wife (to let) _______ one of her straps fall.
5. It is necessary (to tear) _______ the bars down.
6. It is important that you (to lift) _______ your dress up your thighs.
7. It was a recommendation that you (to grab) _______ your wife and (to fling) _______ her into the cage.
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Revise English Grammar
В предложении
Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall She let the straps fall.
Проверьте, насколько хорошо вы владеете этой синтаксической формой, при необходимости прибегая к
грамматическому комментарию (раздел 16).
7. Fill in the blanks with appropriate forms of the verbs:
1. I want you (to visit) _______ the local zoo.
2. I expect you (to wear) _______ this cute dress.
3. Don't make him (to go) _______ ape.
4. I saw him (to jump) _______ up on the bars.
5. They heard the gorilla (to grunt) _______ and pound his chest with his free hand.
6. I watched her (to wiggle) _______ her bottom.
7. The husband noticed the ape (to be excited) _______, and wanted his wife (to tease) _______ the poor fellow even more.
8. Transform the sentences into Passive:
1. A man and his wife are visiting the local zoo.
2. He pounds his chest with his free hand.
3. The pretty lady in the pink dress obviously excited the gorilla.
4. The noises would wake the dead.
5. Gorilla is tearing the bars down.
6. She has lifted her dress up her thighs.
7. This drives the poor gorilla absolutely crazy.
8. The husband grabs his wife and flings her in with the gorilla.
9. Render the joke.
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Section 14 Before you get married
«Honey,» said a husband to his wife, «I invited a friend home for supper.» «What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't
go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!» «I know all that.»
«Then why did you invite a friend for supper?» «Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.»
Study the words and expressions given below:
a mess беспорядок, состояние беспорядка
fancy фантазия, воображение
meal еда, прием пищи
a fancy meal праздничный обед
fool дурак
I don't feel like cooking я не в настроении готовить еду
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. Who did the husbund invite for supper?
2. What does the wife think about their house?
3. What meal is she supposed to cook for her husband's friend?
4. What will happen when the friend comes to their home?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. A husband said _______ his wife, «I invited a friend home for supper.»
2. Are you _______?
3. The house is a _______.
4. All the dishes are _______.
5. I don't feel like _______ a fancy meal.
6. Why did you invite a friend _______ supper?
7. The poor fool is thinking about _______ married.
3. Match the two parts of the sentences:
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Я пригласил друга домой на ужин.
2. Ты сошел с ума?
3. Я не ходила в магазин.
4. Мне не хочется готовить праздничный стол.
5. Бедный дурак думает о том, чтобы жениться.
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Revise English Grammar
В предложениях
I didn't go shopping… I don't feel like cooking… The poor fool is thinking about getting married…
Проверьте свои знания этих форм, при необходимости справляясь в грамматическом комментарии (раздел 17).
6. Translate from Russian into English using the words in brackets:
1. Вместо того (Instead of, to go to the restaurant) чтобы пойти с другом в ресторан, он пригласил его домой на ужин.
2. Она разговаривает сейчас с мужем.
3. По прибытии (On, to come) домой он пошел в магазин (to go, shop).
4. Я обожаю (to be fond of, to wash dishes) мыть посуду.
5. Он закончил работать (to finish, to work) после шести часов.
6. Он прекратил есть (to stop, to eat) и посмотрел на часы.
7. Мы едим салат.
8. Я обожаю ходить в магазин (to be fond of, shop).
9. Человек, курящий сигарету, мой друг.
7. Render the joke.
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Section 15 Coming home late at night
A guy is real drunk and gets home real late. Trying to avoid the little woman, he parks a block away from his home. He takes
off his shoes as he walks up the stairs, careful not to make a noise. He quietly opens the door and tiptoes into the room, when
«BAM!!!» – he gets hit by a frying pan…
Telling the story to a friend the next day at the local watering hole, his best friend sadly shakes his head and says, «Boy, you
are inert! Now here's how I do it. When I get drunk I go borrow my bud's Harley and go screamin' up and down my block a
couple of times a hootin' and a hollerin'. I take the Harley rat up on the porch and then start screamin' and a cuss-in'. I slam
open the door and scream, 'Tim the man of the house and I want some sex rat now!» And you know what's amazin'??? My wife
is always asleep!!!"
Study the words and expressions given below:
to avoid избегать
to park парковать
(машину)
block квартал домов
to tiptoe от tip (кончик) и toe (палец ноги) идти на цыпочках
to fry жарить
pan кастрюля
frying pan сковорода
hole дыра
sad печальный
inert вялый,
зд.
to borrow брать взаймы
bud приятель
Harley мотоцикл «Харлей-Дэвидсон»
screamin'
разг.
a hootin'
разг.
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a hollerin'
разг.
rat
paзг.
porch крыльцо
a cussin'
разг.
to slam хлопать
(дверью); (дверь)
amazin'
paзг.
a block away за квартал
(от дома)
to get hit получать удар
local watering hole местная забегаловка
(досл.
to shake one's head качать головой
to get drunk напиваться пьяным
a couple of times пару раз
slam open the door с грохотом открывать дверь
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. When did the guy get home?
2. Why did he park a block away from home?
3. What did he do not to make a noise on the stairs?
4. What did he get hit by?
5. Who did he tell this story the next day?
6. What were they doing in the watering hole?
7. Who does his friend borrow a Harley from?
8. In what way does he drive the Harley?
9. Where does he take the bike?
10. What does he scream when he enteres the door?
11. Why is his wife always asleep?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. Trying to _______ the little woman, he parks a block away.
2. He takes off his shoes, _______ not to make a noise.
3. He quietly opens the door and _______ into the room.
4. He gets hit by a _______ pan.
5. He tells the story to a friend at the local _______ hole.
6. His best friend _______ shakes his head.
7. I go _______ my bud's Harley.
8. I take the Harley rat up on the _______.
3. Say if the statements are true or false:
1. A guy is real drunk and gets home real late.
2. Trying to avoid the little woman, he parks quite near his home.
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3. He quietly opens the door and tiptoes into the room.
4. When I get drunk I go borrow my bud's F-16 and go screamin' up and down my block a couple of times.
5. I take the Harley rat up on the porch.
6. I slam open the door and scream, «I'm the man of the house.»
7. My wife is always away.
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Он снимает свои ботинки, когда идет по лестнице.
2. Он тихо открывает дверь и идет на цыпочках в комнату.
3. Он получает удар сковородой.
4. Его лучший друг печально качает головой.
5. Так вот как это делаю я.
6. Я гоню Харлея прямо на крыльцо.
7. Я с грохотом открываю дверь и кричу.
8. Моя жена всегда спит.
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Revise English Grammar
Грамотная английская речь, как и речь русская, подчиняется огромному количеству правил, в том числе и правил
стилистических. Избегая нарушения этих правил, мы говорим правильно. Вместе с тем в разговорной речи встречается
огромное количество нарушений стилистической нормы.
Так, следующие предложения содержат одну и ту же конструкцию – причастный оборот, относящийся к подлежащему.
Но в первом случае этот оборот использован правильно, во втором – с нарушениями.
1. Trying to avoid the little woman, he parks a block away from his home…
2. Telling the story to a friend the next day at the local watering hole, his best friend sadly shakes his head…
Найдите, в чем состоит нарушение правила (при затруднениях обратитесь к грамматическому комментарию; раздел
18).
6. Transform the sentenses according to the rules when necessary:
1. Having got drunk, the guy came home real late.
2. Trying to avoid the little woman, his car is left a block away from his home.
3. Walking up the stairs, he tries his best not to make a noise.
4. Opening quietly the door and tiptoeing into the room, his wife hits him by a frying pan.
5. Telling the story to a friend the next day at the local watering hole, his best friend sadly shakes his head.
6. Taking the Harley rat up on the porch, I start screamin' and a cussin'.
7. Slamming open the door and screamin', his wife is always asleep.
7. Find English equivalents to the Russian words in the scanword:
1. (а…) избегать, 2. (t…) идти на цыпочках, 3. (b…) брать взаймы, 4. (1…) местный, 5. (m…) беспорядок, 6. (е…)
выставка, 7. (е…) возбуждение, 8. (f…) парень, 9. (а…) обезьяна, 10. (s…) без рукавов.
8. Render the joke.
84
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Section 16 Control of your wife
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them were talking about the amount of control they had over their wives,
while the third remained quiet.
After a while one of the first two turned to the third and said, «Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over
your wife?»
The third fellow says, «I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.»
The first two guys were amazed. «Wow! What happened then?» they asked.
The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a
man!' "
Study the words and expressions given below:
control контроль, власть
pub паб, пивная
amount объем, величина
to remain оставаться
swallow глоток
(пива, воды, вина)
healthy swallow большой глоток
beer пиво
to sigh вздыхать
to utter произносить
to fight сражаться, драться
Get out! Убирайся! Вылезай!
after a while через некоторое время
what sort of? какого типа? какого вида?
the other night на днях вечером
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. How many guys were there in the pub?
2. What did they drink there?
3. What were two of them talking about?
4. What question was the third guy asked?
5. In what way had the third guy's wife come to him one of the nights?
6. What did she say to her husband?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. Two of the guys are talking about the _______ of control they had over their wives.
2. The third guy _______ quiet.
3. After a _______ one of the first two guys turned to the third one.
4. What _______ of control do you have over your wife?
5. Just the _______ night my wife came to me.
6. The first two guys were _______.
7. The third man took a healthy _______ of his beer.
3. Match the two parts of the sentences:
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
2. Какого размера власть ты имеешь над своей женой?
3. Третий парень хранил молчание.
4. Через некоторое время один из первых двоих повернулся к третьему.
5. Ну, а как насчет тебя?
6. Как раз на днях вечером моя жена приползла ко мне на четвереньках.
7. Что случилось потом?
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Revise English Grammar
«Get out from under the bed!» — get
6. Read the text one more time and substitute the word «to get» for any verb that seems to have about the same meaning.
7. Render the joke.
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Section 17 Prospective church members
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor said, «We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.»
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, «Were you able
to abstain from sex for the two weeks?»
The old man replied, «No problem at all, Pastor.»
«Congratulations! Welcome to the church!» said the pastor.
The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, «Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?»
The man replied, «The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but…
yes we made it.»
«Congratulations! Welcome to the church!» said the pastor.
The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked, «Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?»
«No, Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,» the young man replied sadly.
«What happened?» inquired the pastor.
«My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome
with lust and took advantage of her right there.»
«You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church,» stated the pastor.
«We know,» said the young man, «we're not welcome at the local supermarket anymore either.»
Study the words and expressions given below:
elderly пожилой, стареющий
to join вступить
(куда-л.),
pastor священник, пастор
requirements требования (от to requireтребовать)
parishioner прихожанин (от parishприход)
to abstain воздерживаться
to reply отвечать
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couch кушетка
to reach (for) дотягиваться (до
чего-л.)
can банка
corn кукуруза
top верх; верхний
to bend (over) наклоняться (над
чем-л.)
lust сильное желание
advantage преимущество
to state утверждать
to join a church вступить в церковь
to be able быть способным, мочь
No problem at all! Никаких проблем!
to go without sex обходиться без секса
Congratulations! Поздравления!
Welcome! Добро пожаловать!
to be welcome быть желаемым, желанным
(где-л.)
to pick sth up поднимать что-л.
to be overcome with sth быть охваченным
(чем-л.)
to take advantage of her воспользоваться удобным моментом
right there прямо там
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. How many couples wanted to join the church and how old were they?
2. What special requirements did the couples have to meet if they wanted to join the church?
3. Who did the pastor go to first when the couples returned after the two weeks' trial period?
4. Why was it easy for an elderly couple to be admitted to church?
5. How did the middle-aged husband cope with the problem?
6. What was wrong with the can of corn?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. Two couples wanted _______ a church.
2. We have special _______ for new parishioners.
3. You must _______ from having sex.
4. No problem _______, Pastor.
5. _______ to the church!
6. I had to sleep on the couch for _______ of nights.
7. We were not _______ to go without sex.
8. My wife was _______ for a can of corn.
3. Say if the sentences are true or false:
1. Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join the army.
2. We have special requirements for new parishioners.
3. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.
4. The couples didn't agree and never came back.
5. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights.
6. I was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it.
7. We're not welcome at the local zoo anymore either.
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4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Три пары захотели вступить в церковь.
2. Мы предъявляем особые требования к нашим прихожанам.
3. Пары согласились и пришли назад через две недели.
4. Никаких проблем, пастор!
5. Поздравления! Добро пожаловать в церковь!
6. Первая неделя была не слишком тяжкой.
7. Я был вынужден спать на кушетке пару ночей.
8. Я был охвачен сильным желанием и воспользовался своим преимуществом над ней прямо там.
9. Нас также не хотят больше видеть и в местном супермаркете.
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Revise English Grammar
В предложениях
You must abstain from having sex for two weeks; Were you able to abstain from sexfor the two weeks? I had to sleep on the
couch for a couple of nights but… (must, to be able, to have to).
Проверьте свои знания модальных глаголов; при необходимости используйте грамматический комментарий (раздел
20).
6. Translate from Russian into English using modal verbs and their substitutes:
1. Вы можете вступить в церковь.
2. Вы сможете вступить в церковь, если выполните особые требования.
3. Вы должны воздерживаться от секса в течение трех недель.
4. Мы не можем сделать этого.
5. Мы должны были прийти через три недели.
6. Мы не смогли сделать этого.
7. Я вынужден был спать на кушетке.
8. Мне не было необходимости спать на кушетке.
9. Можно мне вступить в вашу церковь без испытательного срока?
10. Мне позволили сделать это без испытательного срока.
11. Вам не следовало бы больше ходить в местный супермаркет.
7. Fill in the blanks with proper forms of the verbs:
1. It's a recommendation that you (to join) _______ a church.
2. It's necessary that we (to have) _______ special requirements for new parishioners.
3. He suggested that we (to abstain) _______ from having sex for two weeks.
4. He urged them (to come) _______ back at the end of two weeks.
5. He found it necessary (to sleep) _______ on the couch for a couple of nights.
8. Fill in the blanks with proper forms of the verbs:
1. I want you (to join) _______ a church.
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2. He expected them (to abstain) _______ from having sex for two weeks.
3. The pastor saw the elderly couple (to enter) _______ the church.
4. He let them (to pass over) _______ to the altar.
5. This made him (to sleep) _______ on the couch for a couple of nights.
6. He watched the wife (to try) _______ to reach for a can of corn.
7. He saw her (to pick) _______ the can up.
8. This made him (to take) _______ advantage of her right there.
9. Render the joke.
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Section 18 An elderly couple
An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry. Before the wedding they embarked
on a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their connubial relationship. «How do you feel about sex?» he
asked, rather hopefully.
«Oh, I like to have it infrequently,» she responded.
The old guy thought for a moment, then asked, «Was that one word or two?»
Study the words and expressions given below:
to decide решать
to embark пускаться
(в плавание, в разговор и т. д.)
regarding относительно, касательно (от to regard считать)
finances финансы, финансовое состояние
arrangement организация (от to arrange устраивать, организовывать, оформлять)
to broach починать, открывать
subject предмет, вопрос
connubial супружеский, брачный
relationship отношение
hopefully с надеждой
infrequently нечасто (от frequently часто)
to respond отвечать
it was time to do sth время (пора) делать что-л.
living arrangements условия жизни
and so on и так далее
broach the subject поднимать вопрос
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. When did the elderly couple decide it was time for them to marry?
2. What sort of conversation did they embark on before the wedding?
3. What did they discuss?
4. What subject did the old man decide to raise in the end?
5. How often would his partner like to make love?
6. Taking into account the old guy's age, would he prefer «in-» to stand for a prefix or for a preposition?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. An elderly couple had been _______ for some time.
2. Before the wedding they _______ on a long conversation.
3. They discussed _______, living arrangements and so on.
4. Finally the old man decided _______ the subject of sex.
5. Oh, I like to have it _______.
6. Was that _______ word or two?
3. Say if the statements are true or false:
1. An elderly couple had been living together for some time, and decided it was finally time to divorce.
2. Before the wedding they embarked on a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
3. They discussed government policy and finances.
4. Finally the old lady decided it was time to broach the subject of their connubial relationship.
5. Oh, I like to have it in frequently.
6. The old guy thought for a moment, then asked, «Was that one word or two?»
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
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5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Пожилая пара решила, что им пора пожениться.
2. Перед свадьбой они говорили о том, как они могли бы жить вместе.
3. Наконец он решил заговорить об их брачных отношениях.
4. О, я люблю это изредка.
5. Это было одно слово или два?
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Revise English Grammar
Практически в каждом английском предложении активную роль в согласовании его членов играют предлоги и
предложные конструкции.
Проверьте свои знания английских предлогов и предложных конструкций (при необходимости см. грамматический
комментарий; раздел 21).
6. Insert prepositions where necessary:
1. An elderly couple had been dating _______ some time.
2. They had been meeting _______ May _______ December.
3. Before the wedding they met _______ the restaurant, and _______ dinner they embarked _______ a long conversation.
4. They spoke _______ their living arrangements and the way they would spend their honeymoon.
5. She wanted to go _______ Naples, while he insisted staying _______ the USA.
6. He took the bottle _______ champagne which stood him _______ the dinner table and poured some wine _______ her
glass.
7. The old man decided to discuss the subject _______ their connubial relations.
8. She flung the wine _______ his face saying, «What do you take me?»
7. Translate from Russian into English using modal verbs:
1. Нам нет необходимости больше встречаться.
2. Мы можем пожениться.
3. Мы должны обсудить то, как будет устроена наша семейная жизнь.
4. Должны мы обсуждать финансы?
5. Можно мне приступить к вопросу о наших брачных отношениях?
6. Я вынужден спросить тебя, могу ли я обсудить и этот пункт.
7. Будет ли мне позволено делать это часто?
8. Я не смог понять, что она имела в виду.
8. Insert articles where necessary:
1. They had been dating for some _______ time and decided it was finally time to marry.
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2. Before _______ wedding they embarked on _______ long conversation.
3. They discussed how their _______ marriage might work.
4. They discussed _______ finances.
5. Finally _______ old man decided to broach _______ subject of their connubial relationship.
6. How do you feel about _______ sex?
9. Find English equivalents to the Russian words in the scanword:
1. (f…) финансы, 2. (с…) брачный, 3. (r…) отвечать, 4. (е…) пожилая, 5. (а…) воздерживаться, 6. (w…) добро
пожаловать, 7. (о…) охваченный, 8. (р…) пивная, 9. (b…) пиво, 10. (f…) драться.
10. Render the joke.
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Section 19 Two additions to the periodic table of elements
* Element Name: WOMANIUM
* Symbol: WO
* Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)
* Physical properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts when treated
properly. Very bitter if not used well.
* Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better
specimen.
* Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income
reducing agent known.
* Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands!
* Element Name: MANIUM
* Symbol: XY
* Atomic Weight: (180 +/– 50)
* Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult
to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
* Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO (WOMANIUM) any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds
with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: CHILDIUM) for prolonged period of time.
* Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
* Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
* Caution: In the absence of WO (WOMANIUM), this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
Study the words and expressions given below:
element элемент
symbol символ
atomic атомный
weight вес
physical физический
property свойство, качество, состояние
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generally в общем, главным образом
soft мягкий
round круглый
to boil кипеть
to freeze замерзать
to melt таять
to treat обходиться (с
кем-л.)
properly правильно
bitter горький; колкий
to use использовать
chemical химический
active активный
highly в высшей степени
unstable нестабильный
to possess владеть чем-л., иметь в своем распоряжении
affinity
хим.
gold золото
silver серебро
platinum платина
precious ценный, драгоценный
violent свирепый, жестокий
alone одинокий; в одиночестве
to absorb абсорбировать, поглощать
exotic экзотический
to turn поворачиваться, становиться
slight легкий, небольшой
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to place помещать, размещать
specimen образец, экземпляр
usage использование
ornamental декоративный
extremely в высшей степени
catalyst катализатор
dispersion дисперсия, растворение
wealth богатство, состояние
probably вероятно, возможно
powerful сильный, мощный
income доход
to reduce сокращать
agent агент, вещество
caution осторожность
explosive взрывчатое вещество; взрывоопасный
inexperienced неопытный
solid твердый
temperature температура
fairly достаточно хорошо
dense густой, непроницаемый; тупой
flaky хлопковидный;
сленг
pure чистый
sample образец
due to благодаря
(чему-л.)
rust ржавчина
aging старение
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to conduct
зд. (электричество)
electricity электричество
to attempt предпринимать, пытаться
to bond соединять, связывать
to tend иметь стремление, иметь настроение
to mix смешиваться
to prolong продлевать
neutralize нейтрализовать
saturate
хим.
alcohol алкоголь
possible возможный, вероятный
methane метан
source источник
to produce производить
quantity количество
absence отсутствие
rapid быстрый
to decompose разлагаться, разваливаться
don't even go there даже не ходи туда
in form по форме
any time в любое время
next to рядом, по соседству
to get bent сгибаться
as… as так же, как
any chance it can get при первом удобном случае
on command по команде
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. What's the atomic weight of Womanium?
2. What form does it possess?
3. How can one make it melt?
4. What happens to Womanium if it is not treated properly?
5. What does Womanium have strong affinity with?
6. How does it change its color when placed near a better specimen?
7. What can Womanium be used for?
8. Why is it so explosive if put into inexperienced hands?
9. What's the Manium's maximum atomic weight?
10. What's the difference between old and young samples of Manium in terms of conductivity?
11. How often can Manium form strong bonds with Woma-nium?
12. How can one make Manium explosive?
13. How can it be neutralized?
14. What's the best way to use Manium?
15. What happens to Manium in the absence of Womanium?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. Generall _______ yand round.
2. Melts when _______ properly.
3. Violent when _______ alone.
4. Able to absorb great _______ of exotic food.
5. Turns slightly green when _______ next to a better specimen.
6. Probably the most powerful incomeagent _______ agent known.
7. Highly explosive in _______ hands!
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3. Match the two parts of the sentences:
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Твердый при комнатной температуре, но легко меняет форму при сгибании.
2. Трудно найти чистый экземпляр.
3. Стареющие образцы неспособны проводить электричество.
4. Стремится установить сильные связи с самим собой.
5. Нейтрализуйте путем насыщения алкоголем.
6. Хорошие образцы способны производить большое количество по команде.
7. Этот элемент быстро разлагается и начинает пахнуть.
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Revise English Grammar
В предложениях
Melts when treated properly… Very bitter if not used well… Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen…
в предложениях
Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known… Aging samples are unable to conduct electricity…
Проверьте, насколько хорошо вы владеете этими формами причастия. При необходимости справляйтесь в разделе 22
грамматического комментария.
6. Fill in the blanks with either Participle I or Participle II:
1. Womanium is (to boil) _______ at room temperature.
2. It melts if (to treat) _______ properly.
3. Be careful while (to use) _______ Womanium.
4. (To absorb) _______ great amounts of food, Womanium tends to put on much weight.
5. The element (to turn) _______ slightly green, is Womanium.
6. Wonanium has (to disperse) _______ much of my wealth.
7. Probably it's the most powerful income (to reduce) _______ agent known.
8. Manium gets (to bend) _______ out of shape easily.
9. Manium (to form) _______ strong bonds with Womanium, never decomposes too soon.
7. Render the joke.
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Section 20 Unselfish generosity
A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. «I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of
unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum.»
«You gave a bum five whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did your husband say about it?»
"Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.' "
Study the words and expressions given below:
to chat болтать
act акт; поступок
unselfish бескорыстный, неэгоистичный
generosity щедрость
bill банкнот
bum бродяга
next-door живущий по соседству
to start out начинать
five whole dollars
разг.
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. Who was the woman chatting with?
2. Why did she feel so good that day?
3. What sort of act did she commit?
4. How much did she give to a bum?
5. What did the neighbor think about this act of generosity?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. A woman was chatting with her _______ neighbor.
2. I started _______ this morning with an act of generosity.
3. I gave a bum five _______ dollars.
4. That's _______ of money to give away.
5. He thought it was the _______ thing to do.
3. Say if the statement is true or false:
1. A woman was chatting with her husband.
2. I started out this morning with an act of murder.
3. That's a lot of money to just give away.
4. What did your neighbor say about it?
5. Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do.
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Я сегодня чувствую себя действительно хорошо.
2. Я дала пятидолларовый банкнот бродяге.
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3. Это много денег, чтобы вот так просто отдать.
4. Он думал, что это правильный поступок.
5. Он сказал: «Спасибо».
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Revise English Grammar
В слове
unselfish de-, dis-, im-, in-, un-.
6. Проверьте свои навыки словообразования на основе данной модели. Образуйте слова с противоположным
значением, используя отрицательные префиксы:
Исходная форма
moralize
mobile
fame
frequent
charge
compose
comfort
mortal
mature
able
arrange
balanced
patient
generate
code
certain
advantage
probable
appropriate
close
courage
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audible
capable
compress
familiar
color
decision
conscious
do
moral
dependent
expected
believe
load
able
form
effective
7. Render the joke.
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Section 21 75Th wedding anniversary
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and
says softly to his wife, «Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite
looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I
could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all away. But… I must know, did he have a different father?»
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she pauses for moment and then confesses.
«Yes. Yes, he did.»
The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his
eye he asks, «Who?.. Who was he? Who was the father?»
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she says, «You.»
Study the words and expressions given below:
elegant элегантный, торжественный
anniversary годовщина
to lean склоняться
(к кому-л.)
forward вперед
soft мягкий; тихий
to bother беспокоить
tenth десятый
to assure уверять
wonderful чудесный
experience опыт, переживание
to drop ронять, опускать
to pause делать паузу
to shake трясти, сотрясать
reality действительность
to admit признавать
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to hit ударять, бить
hard трудно, тяжело
to expect ожидать
tear слеза
to muster собираться)
I could have ever hoped for (на что) я когда-либо мог надеяться
the rest of остаток, остальные
to drop one's head опускать голову
to muster the courage собраться с духом
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. How many years have the couple been living together?
2. What had always bothered the old man?
3. What did he think about their marriage in general?
4. What did he want to know for sure?
5. Why did the woman drop her head unable to look into her husband's eye?
6. How many children of the family had a different father?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. A very elderly _______ is having.
2. The old man leans _______ to his wife.
3. It has always _______ me.
4. Our tenth child never looked like _______ of our children.
5. I want to _______ you this has been the most wonderful experience.
6. The wife _______ her head, unable to look up.
7. The old man is very _______.
8. With a _______ in his eye he asks, «Who?»
3. Match the two parts of the sentences:
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Пара празднует 75-летнюю годовщину своей свадьбы.
2. Дорогая, есть кое-что, о чем я хочу спросить тебя.
3. Это было самое чудесное переживание из тех, на которые я мог когда-либо надеяться.
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4. Твой ответ не изменит этого (не заберет это прочь).
5. У него был другой отец?
6. Жена опускает голову.
7. Она медлит мгновение, а потом признается.
8. Реальность того, в чем признается его жена, наносит ему сильный удар.
9. Кто был его отцом?
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Revise English Grammar
В тексте встречаются прилагательные в двух различных степенях сравнения – сравнительной и превосходной:
It has been the most wonderful experience… The reality hit him harder than…
Проверьте, как вы владеете навыками использования степеней сравнения прилагательных. При необходимости
обратитесь к грамматическому комментарию (раздел 23).
6. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Муж был старше жены на пять лет.
2. Это был в высшей степени элегантный обед.
3. Наш десятый ребенок гораздо выше, чем первый.
4. Его голова (brains) работает лучше, чем у других детей.
5. Он – лучший в семье.
6. Это было самое чудесное переживание в моей жизни.
7. Он был самым непослушным (naughty) из всех детей, когда был маленьким.
8. Слеза на правом глазу намного больше, чем слеза на левом.
9. Ты гораздо глупее (stupid), чем отец остальных детей.
7. Fill in the blanks with prepositions where necessary:
1. A very elderly couple is sitting _______ a restaurant.
2. The old man says softlyh _______ is wife, «Dear, take some _______ this salad.»
3. Our tenth child never quite looked like the rest _______ our children.
4. These years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped _______.
5. She is unable to look her husband _______ the eye.
6. The wife paused _______ a moment and then confessed.
7. The old man is very shaken _______ the reality what his wife admitted.
8. With a tear _______ his eye he asks, «Who?»
9. She said nothing _______ first, and then she told the truth _______ her husband.
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8. Find English equivalents to the Russian words in the scanword:
1. (е…) элегантный, 2. (b…) беспокоить, 3. (s…) трясти, сотрясать, 4. (p…) свойство, качество, 5. (p…) драгоценный, 6.
(w…) богатство, состояние, 7. (d…) плотный, 8. (s…) образец, 9. (d…) разрушаться, разлагаться, 10. (i…) доход.
9. Render the joke.
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Section 22 The mistress
A married couple was enjoying a dinner out when a statuesque brunette walked over to their table, exchanged warm greetings
with the husband, and walked off.
«Who was that?» the wife demanded.
«If you must know,» the husband replied, «that was my mistress.»
«Your mistress? That's it! I want a divorce!» the wife fumed.
The husband looked her straight in the eye and said, «Are you sure you want to give up our big house in the suburbs, your
Mercedes, your furs, your jewelry, and our vacation home in Mexico?»
For a long time they continued dining in silence. Finally, the woman nudged her husband and said, «Isn't that Howard over
there? Who's he with?»
«That's HIS mistress,» her husband replied.
«Oh,» she said, taking a bite of dessert. «Ours is much cuter.»
Study the words and expressions given below:
to enjoy наслаждаться, получать удовольствие
statuesque статный, фигуристый
brunette брюнетка
to exchange обмениваться
warm теплый
greetings приветствия
to demand требовать; спрашивать
mistress любовница
divorce развод
to fume
перен.
straight прямо
to give up бросать, отказываться
Mercedes «мерседес»
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furs меха
jewelry драгоценности
vacation отпуск
to continue продолжать
to dine обедать
silence молчание, тишина
to nudge подталкивать локтем
bite кусочек
dessert десерт
ours наша
a dinner out обед в ресторане
to walk over подойти
(к чему-л.)
suburbs пригород
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Exercises to the text
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. Who came over the couple when they were having dinner?
2. What's a brunette?
3. What type of a car does the wife have?
4. Where do they spend their vacation?
5. Whose mistress is better – the husband's or Howard's?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. A couple was _______ a dinner out.
2. A brunette _______ warm greetings with the husband.
3. I want a _______!
4. Do you want _______ our big house in the suburbs?
5. They continued _______ in silence.
6. Finally, the woman _______ her husband.
3. Say if the statement is true or false:
1. A married couple was enjoying a dinner out when an ugly brunette walked over to their table.
2. The husband hit her right in the eye.
3. Are you sure you want to give up our big house in the suburbs?
4. For a long time they continued dining in silence.
5. Finally, the woman nudged her husband.
6. «That's YOUR mistress,» her husband replied.
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
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1. Супружеская пара наслаждалась обедом в ресторане.
2. Если тебе нужно знать, то это моя любовница.
3. Вот как!
4. Муж посмотрел ей прямо в глаза.
5. Ты хочешь расстаться со своим «мерседесом», своими мехами и драгоценностями?
6. Долгое время они продолжали обедать в тишине.
7. С кем он?
8. Наша гораздо лучше.
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Revise English Grammar
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Герундиальные и инфинитивные обороты
Можно ли в предложении
For a long time they continued dining in silence… (dining) (to dine),
Проверьте свои навыки в этом вопросе; при необходимости обратитесь к грамматическому комментарию (раздел 24).
6. Fill in the blanks with a Gerund or an Infinitive:
1. A married couple seemed (enjoy) _______ their dinner.
2. They really enjoyed (have) _______ their dinner all alone.
3. The wife objected to her husband's (drink) _______ too much of champagne.
4. The waiter kept (bring) _______ more and more delicious food.
Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.
Полный текст доступен на jokibook.ru
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ОГЛАВЛЕНИЕ
В.А. Миловидов
От автора-составителя
Part I
Section 1
Section 2
Section 3
Section 4
Section 5
Section 6
Section 7
Section 8
Section 9
Section 10
Section 11
Section 12
Section 13
Section 14
Section 15
Section 16
Section 17
Section 18
Section 19
Section 20
Section 21
Section 22
Section 23
Section 24
Section 25
Section 26
Section 27
Section 28
Section 29
Section 30
Part 2
Section 31
Section 32
Section 33
Section 34
Section 35
Section 36
Section 37
Section 38
Section 39
Section 40
Section 41
Section 42
Section 43
Section 44
Section 45
Section 46
Section 47
Section 48
Section 49
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Section 50
Section 51
Section 52
Section 53
Section 54
Section 55
Section 56
Section 57
Section 58
Section 59
Section 60
Section 61
Section 62
Section 63
Section 64
Section 65
Section 66
Section 67
Section 68
Section 69
Section 70
Part 3
Section 71
Section 72
Section 73
Section 74
Section 75
Section 76
Section 77
Section 78
Section 79
Section 80
Section 81
Section 82
Section 83
Section 84
Section 85
Section 86
Section 87
Section 88
Section 89
Section 90
Section 91
Section 92
Section 93
Section 94
Section 95
Section 96
Section 97
Section 98
Section 99
Section 100
Приложение grammar
1. Использование артикля с именем существительным и местоимением
2. Образование множественного числа имен существительных
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3. Основные формы английского глагола
4. Прошедшее время английского глагола
5. Глаголы в будущем времени
6. Повествовательные и вопросительные предложения с конструкцией there is (there are)
7. Наречие/прилагательное: согласование с глаголом
8. Согласование имени существительного и местоимения с глаголом
9. Наречия neither, either, too, so и also в кратких формах выражения согласия и несогласия
10. Согласование времен в английском предложении и использование будущего-в-прошедшем времени английского
глагола
11. Использование глаголов would и could
12. Особенности использования форм длительного совершенного времени (Perfect Continuous Tense) английского
глагола и их отличие от простых совершенных форм (Perfect Simple Tense)
13. Преобразование прямой речи в речь косвенную
14. Пассивный (страдательный) залог в английском языке
15. Использование глаголов побуждения к действию и производных от данных глаголов существительных и
прилагательных в сложных предложениях с союзом that
16. Сложное дополнение (Complex Object)
17. Употребление герундия и причастия I (причастие настоящего времени)
18. Согласование подлежащего с причастным или герундиальным оборотом
19. Глагол to get
20. Модальные глаголы и их заменители
21. Основные значения английских предлогов
22. Причастие I и причастие II
23. Образование степеней сравнения прилагательных
24. Различия в использовании герундиальных и инфинитивных оборотов
25. Абсолютная форма притяжательного местоимения, употребляемая самостоятельно (без существительного) в
функции подлежащего, именной части сказуемого, дополнения:
26. Использование прилагательных little и few, а также выражений a little и a few
27. Пассивные и активные формы герундия
28. Прилагательное other и его производные another, the other и others
29. Сослагательное наклонение I
30. Сослагательное наклонение II
31. Использование глаголов could и might в сослагательных конструкциях
32. Словосочетания had better и would rather
33. Неопределенные местоимения some и any, отрицательное местоимение по и их производные
34. Конструкции с глаголом to use: used to (do); to be used to (something)
Phrases used in Parts1—3
Vocabulary
A
В
С
D
Е
F
G
Н
I
J
К
L
М
N
О
Р
Q
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R
S
Т
U
V
W
X
Y
Z
Keys
Section 1:
Section 2:
Section 3:
Section 4:
Section 5:
Section 6:
Section 7:
Section 8:
Section 9:
Section 10:
Section 11:
Section 12:
Section 13:
Section 14:
Section 15:
Section 16:
Section 17:
Section 18:
Section 19:
Section 20:
Section 21:
Section 22:
Section 23:
Section 24:
Section 25:
Section 26:
Section 27:
Section 28:
Section 29:
Section 30:
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